The Cycle Tour and Britania Bay:

So, at last the day arrived... The Cycle Tour. I had mixed emotions, I was so nervous, but at the same time extremely excited. I really wanted us to get a good time. My dad said we would be lucky if we got a sub 3hours 45 minutes, but I really wanted us to do a 3hour 15 minute time. 

The morning of we woke up at 04h20. We got dressed, ate a small breakfast and headed to the race. Before we knew it, it was 06h40 and the gun went off for our group D start. For some reason the start killed me. I thought that I seriously might not make it, but then we went past UCT and I saw all my wonderful and most beautiful friends and suddenly I felt stronger... until Wynberg hill. We raced so hard, we pushed ourselves to our limits, but I had the most amazing race. We had perfect weather conditions and it made me realize just how beautiful our country really is. In the end we did the race in 3 hours 13 minutes and 57 seconds. We were thrilled!!! 

This last week has been really tough for me, the reality of everything I have got to do is finally hitting me and for this week I really buckled under the pressure. I have gotten through it though and it will keep getting better, I just have to work really hard and keep remembering what my goals are. 


One more thing on my list is complete. And I have continued spending time in kommetjie, been working hard toward my SACAP qualification and been taking my camera to capture moments. 

For the long weekend The family went to Britania Bay. It is so beautiful and relaxing and I had the most wonderful time with my family. It is the times like those that make me really appreciate everything I have and make the things I don't have seem truly unimportant. 

This week ahead is going to be busy and as far it it looks, so is this entire year. It's not always going to be easy, but I'm up for the challenge!

Bubble toes*

So, the month of February has ended and I must admit that I lost a bit of focus this month. I have kept up with my exercise routine going to yoga, going to gym, running and cycling weekly. The Argus is next week and I couldn't be more excited. I am going to give it everything I have, I have been working so hard for it and it deserves me to give it everything. Besides, its only 3 hours and a few minutes of everything.


Everything is still going well at SACAP, I have my first assignment due next week and another the next week. These I have not started yet, but I plan to get on it today.

Work is going well. I still love my kids and really enjoy the responsibility and keeping busy. It gives me a purpose and those 2 kids make my day, everyday. 


My Physical Science stuff still has yet to arrive in the post, it is supposed to arrive this week and then my Physical Science will at last commence. 


I have spend a lot of time in Kommetjie this month, visiting gran, going there for Valentines day and for the 21st. I even plan on going there today. I need Kommetjie to sort out my mind, its the only place that can. 


I did not get to see my favourite teacher this month for coffee, but we did have a chat. I plan on seeing her for coffee very soon. 


I have just purchased the new Nigella Lawson "Kitchen" cookbook and I look forward to diving into it. Nigella is the woman I always seem to turn to when I feel crushed. She always helps to pull me out. 


My saving for my Mac Laptop is going according to schedule. 
I did not enter the lottery again in February, but i plan on most definitely doing it this month. 

No. 51 on my list was achieved in February. It was magic... for me at least. 

It was Lisa's birthday on Wednesday and it was a perfect evening. I love driving with them, eating ice-cream and sushi with them, but most of all... I love taking photographs with them. I hope your day was magical Lisa* 

Sometimes, no matter how hard, you need to let it go...

It turns out that my little taste of magic was confusing. My little taste of magic didn't go anywhere. I don't really understand what happened. The date he took me on was magic once again, it surprised me how relaxed we were in each others company, how natural everything was with us. There was talk of other things we needed to do together, other dates we would go on, but after goodbye things changed.


I didn't anticipate it at all. To me, everything was more perfect than I could have expected it to be. Every detail keeps running through my mind as to what I did wrong, why he doesn't seem to like me enough to want to get hold of me, to want to see me again as much as I want to see him.


The worst part of it all is that I thought I had finally gotten lucky. I thought that after all the trauma and heartbreak I had been through with guys that I had finally gotten lucky and found a great guy that treated me how I had always deserved to be treated. And now there is nothing and I am left so confused and worse off than I was before I had met him. 


I guess the lesson I learned is that magic, no matter how beautiful, is still a sacrifice. The sacrifice is to let every fear you have go and just enjoy the magic, but sometimes magic doesn't last as long as you think it will and you need to let it go, no matter how impossible it may seem. It's difficult to let something go when in your mind there is not enough reason to, when you still cling on to a tiny string of hope that things will suddenly change. The hardest part, is letting go of the hope. 

Don't settle for anything less than magic*

After this weekend my perspective of many things has changed. My past relationships with the opposite sex have been fairly limited compared to some and those relations were all disasters. It started with my first boyfriend at the age of 15 breaking up with me after 2 short weeks to get back together with his ex-girlfriend. I was crushed. Then I went through an extremely dry patch where my love life resembled that of the Sahara Desert or even a dry crunchy leaf. The only little water added to that desert was the one boy who I would occasionally kiss when I saw him out and then get heartbroken when I later saw him kissing someone else. A while after that there was the primary school best friend that didn't turn into anything. Then there was the boy I tutored in maths, which was fun in the beginning but quickly fizzled into nothingness. Then the "love-of-my-life-best-friend" entered my world. He consumed all my romantic thoughts, but I didn't consume any of his. During this eternal love affair with my best friend there was the really good looking bad boy who made me believe he was actually this sensitive caring guy only to later find out there is nothing more to him than asshole. The latest boy was one that really made me lose myself. I lost who I had always been. I let him continuously treat me like second best. Used and no priority and after it was over I was devastated. I kept thinking about him continuously and every little bit of connection I had to him made me miserable.

I am tired of being second best, of not being seen, of feeling like I'm not good enough, of accepting less than I deserve. At the end of last year I realized that I had been damaged to the extent that I had lost myself. I was always the type of girl who knew exactly what she wanted, especially when it came to boys and if they weren't what I wanted then they weren't an option. I lost that part of myself and I accepted being treated badly and being used just so that I felt like someone wanted me sometime at least. After I had realized how broken I really had become I decided that I would no longer be like that. I was going to find myself again and become that girl that I was so proud to be. It has only been 2 months in the year, but I have already grown so much. I am who I am, I know what I want and I'll wait as long as I need to for it. Thanx to my friends and family I have regained the sensation of being loved for me and for realizing that I deserve so much more than I previously settled for. 


This made me wonder how many girls there are in the world that feel like I do now, that felt like I did then. I wonder if those girls realize that they don't deserve to be treated the way they are. 

Out of the blue I met someone. It was at a party on the seaside and I did not expect to find him. I went with the frame of mind that I was going to be no-one but myself and that I would have the time of my life. I spoke to some good looking guys who seemed like great guys, but speaking to them I found I had little in common with them. Then I started talking to HIM. We spoke about everything random and not, laughed continuously, teased each other and spent hours in each others company. The more time I spent with him the more I realized that this guy, apart from being beautiful was actually kinda great, really great. Really really great. He looked me in the eye, he smiled at the sight of me, he loved talking to me. He made me feel like the only girl in the world, the only person he wanted to spend the night with. 


No-one has ever treated me the way he did. No-one has ever looked at me the way he did or made me feel the way he did. The night was magical* So magical that if I never heard from him it would be ok, I would be upset, but it was so perfect that I couldn't expect anything else. That would be far too selfish. 


From this one experience I can't believe that I wasted so much of my time thinking about guys that never made he feel half as amazing as he did that night. I have finally seen the light! So, to all the girls that are out there feeling like I once did. I want to tell you to not settle just because you don't want to feel lonely, don't settle because having someone that gives you less than you deserve is better than having no-one. WAIT! Don't settle for anything less than magic! And even if it is just one night of magic, you will realize that waiting for magic is the only option and that magic is what you truly deserve. 

Love like a sunset

After I had made the life-changing realization that Valentines Day is about reminding those that you love, that you love them, It changed my entire perspective about this holiday. I was walking around with a huge smile on my face, I was excited that it was Valentines day and I was in a serious mood to spread some love. 

The morning was filled with running around to the shops and baking brownies, after work I came home and made a spinach, feta, mushroom and butternut quiche. Then the road trip began. I picked up Andrea, Lisa and Snoekie and we headed for the seaside. 

The seaside on any day is amazing, but on Valentines Day it is just that much better. Seeing family and friends and just relaxing with them can make you think that Valentines Day with just one Valentine is actually a waste. 

The friends, family, music, photo's, food and beach made this Valentines Day an unforgettable one. I'm looking forward to next year :) 

Kommetjie, Strand and The Three Passes

Well, this week has been crazy busy with seeing friends, work, college, workshops and exercise. I don't think I really had some proper time to relax. On Monday I was still recovering from the cycling race although I have to admit that my legs punished me less than I thought they would. After work I went to my dad for an early night and an early morning cycle the next day. The cycle went well even though we threw in some intervals, which at that exact moment made me think I was going to die. 


I'm really enjoying college, the things we are learning and the people I have met. Interpersonal communication has become so much clearer to me and Freud's methods have led to a lot of thinking. I don't think I have had much time to myself this week, but I have to admit that I love being busy. One of my fears for this year was that I would be bored while all my friends were studying and that I would feel like I wasn't achieving anything of significance. There is no possibility of me feeling like that. When I'm not working I am studying, when I'm not studying I am doing exercise and when I'm not doing exercise I am seeing those few really important friends. 

I know that this year has been completely uneventful in terms of doing the typical teenage student thing and going out every night getting drunk. Sometimes I feel like I am being boring and that I am missing out, but to be honest I don't think I am ready for it yet. I'm not ready to face that environment again and I'm definitely not ready to face those people. I would rather see those few really important people and go to events that are away from what I'm trying so hard to avoid. At the moment it is much more important to me that I can wake up early in the morning and go for a run than it is to go out, get drunk, hook up with boys and come home in the early hours of the morning. It is a much larger priority of mine to get a good nights sleep, be able to wake up in the morning for my run and have energy with my kids and energy to do all the work I have to do. Some may think I am very strange, but I am beginning not to care anymore (I never thought I would ever see the day).


On Friday I did completed another task on my list. Going to Kommetjie more often. I said I wanted to go more often this year and I have started to do that. I decided I needed some quality time with my gran, to look after her for a change and have a good chat. I couldn't have asked for a better evening in my favourite place in the world.

On Saturday after I left my gran we went into Strand to do some property hunting. I was very much against us buying property in the Strand until I saw the place... and the apartment. It is a dream. The name apartment is an offense to this place, penthouse is a better explanation. It is my dream penthouse. 4 bedrooms all en-suite. Sea views from every room. A balcony. A spacious kitchen. An elevator in the room and a fire place. What more can one possibly ask for? It was love at first sight. I really hope we do get the place. It would be the perfect getaway for the family and even for my friends. I would love to take a few friends up some weekends just to get away from everything and relax by the seaside. I can see it becoming my secret hideout. 

This would be my bedroom:

The main bedroom:

Today was the Three Passes cycle race. 78km's and not to be underestimated. I think my dad and I are getting better. We raced hard today, keeping up with the racing single cyclists. We came second in the tandem group and 135 out of 637 riders over all. Our time was 2:26, which was better than we had thought we were going to do. Only 27 minutes behind the person who came in first place. Not bad at all I say. The feeling of racing is truly inexplicable. It's the best feeling in the world. 


So, tomorrow is Valentines Day and most single females would dread the day, but to be honest I am looking forward to it. I have come to realize, just because you may not be in a romantic relationship on Valentines Day, it does not mean that you have no love in your life. It certainly does not mean that you can't celebrate the love you have for the other important people in your life. So tomorrow I will see my family, kids and girlfriends. What could possibly sound better than that?

3:05

On Friday evening I saw all my school friends. It was actually better than I thought it would be. To hear their stories, plans and see how they have matured in just 2 months was truly great. It did sort of make me sad, however, to hear all about the orientation and the new people they were meeting. It made me feel like I was missing out on so much by not going into university this year, but it was my choice and next year I will have the excitement and new people. So, it's not all that sad really and my year this year is already better than I had expected it to be. 

On Saturday I spent most of the day with Jo, working as a matter of fact. It is wonderful to have friends that you can have so much fun going on adventures with and also enjoy just sitting quietly doing separate work in the same environment. 

Sunday was the day, race day. It started at 05:20 in the morning which got us at the race venue just before 06:00. Just before the start I saw what I had been dreading to see. A couple on the same bicycle as us, looking all too hardcore for my liking. This wasn't dreaded in the way that one dreads wearing the same dress as another girl in the same room. This was dreaded as it instilled fear and left room for embarrassment. Our bike makes us look like professionals, which we are not. It is a racing bike, nothing about it is subtle and it is admired by everyone who has once sat on the saddle of a bicycle. The bike makes us "Talk the talk" and now because of it we have to ride like we can "Walk the walk." My fear was that we could not. Our goal time was anything close to 4 hours. Although it is a shorter route than the Argus it is harder and 4 hours would not be too shabby. We got on the bike and it felt like we were flying. We flew right past the other Cannondale bicycle and continued to fly. Our final time: 3:05, not too bad for our first race. 

Well, now my bum is sore like it has never been before in my life, but I am still on the high. I still have a huge feeling of achievement. I have realized that when you find something that you love, something that you are good at and something that makes you feel significant because of your skill in it, then you begin to feel more complete. More confident and comfortable in your own skin. Im glad that I have finally found that something.  I hope everyone else does one day.