Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Don't settle for anything less than magic*

After this weekend my perspective of many things has changed. My past relationships with the opposite sex have been fairly limited compared to some and those relations were all disasters. It started with my first boyfriend at the age of 15 breaking up with me after 2 short weeks to get back together with his ex-girlfriend. I was crushed. Then I went through an extremely dry patch where my love life resembled that of the Sahara Desert or even a dry crunchy leaf. The only little water added to that desert was the one boy who I would occasionally kiss when I saw him out and then get heartbroken when I later saw him kissing someone else. A while after that there was the primary school best friend that didn't turn into anything. Then there was the boy I tutored in maths, which was fun in the beginning but quickly fizzled into nothingness. Then the "love-of-my-life-best-friend" entered my world. He consumed all my romantic thoughts, but I didn't consume any of his. During this eternal love affair with my best friend there was the really good looking bad boy who made me believe he was actually this sensitive caring guy only to later find out there is nothing more to him than asshole. The latest boy was one that really made me lose myself. I lost who I had always been. I let him continuously treat me like second best. Used and no priority and after it was over I was devastated. I kept thinking about him continuously and every little bit of connection I had to him made me miserable.


I am tired of being second best, of not being seen, of feeling like I'm not good enough, of accepting less than I deserve. At the end of last year I realized that I had been damaged to the extent that I had lost myself. I was always the type of girl who knew exactly what she wanted, especially when it came to boys and if they weren't what I wanted then they weren't an option. I lost that part of myself and I accepted being treated badly and being used just so that I felt like someone wanted me sometime at least. After I had realized how broken I really had become I decided that I would no longer be like that. I was going to find myself again and become that girl that I was so proud to be. It has only been 2 months in the year, but I have already grown so much. I am who I am, I know what I want and I'll wait as long as I need to for it. Thanx to my friends and family I have regained the sensation of being loved for me and for realizing that I deserve so much more than I previously settled for. 


This made me wonder how many girls there are in the world that feel like I do now, that felt like I did then. I wonder if those girls realize that they don't deserve to be treated the way they are. 


Out of the blue I met someone. It was at a party on the seaside and I did not expect to find him. I went with the frame of mind that I was going to be no-one but myself and that I would have the time of my life. I spoke to some good looking guys who seemed like great guys, but speaking to them I found I had little in common with them. Then I started talking to HIM. We spoke about everything random and not, laughed continuously, teased each other and spent hours in each others company. The more time I spent with him the more I realized that this guy, apart from being beautiful was actually kinda great, really great. Really really great. He looked me in the eye, he smiled at the sight of me, he loved talking to me. He made me feel like the only girl in the world, the only person he wanted to spend the night with. 


No-one has ever treated me the way he did. No-one has ever looked at me the way he did or made me feel the way he did. The night was magical* So magical that if I never heard from him it would be ok, I would be upset, but it was so perfect that I couldn't expect anything else. That would be far too selfish. 


From this one experience I can't believe that I wasted so much of my time thinking about guys that never made he feel half as amazing as he did that night. I have finally seen the light! So, to all the girls that are out there feeling like I once did. I want to tell you to not settle just because you don't want to feel lonely, don't settle because having someone that gives you less than you deserve is better than having no-one. WAIT! Don't settle for anything less than magic! And even if it is just one night of magic, you will realize that waiting for magic is the only option and that magic is what you truly deserve. 



1 comment:

  1. awww britt please get a "like" button on your blog or something :)

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